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'Jesus lives' is a long
testimony of how I encountered Jesus recently. It has happened time and again,
ever since I kept my heart and mind open to HIM. My only request to all those
reading this, whether you believe or not, whether you agree with me or not,
give some time to read it. And then share it. Because, you never know who else needs
that little grace of HIS to be lifted up and be healed, just like I did.
August 8, 2017: My family was in Chennai. My wife and I had
an appointment with the US consulate to stamp our visas. All our paperwork was
perfect. It should have had no issues. But, then my fears came true in a very
extraordinary way. My wife got her visa stamped without any questions. But,
mine was put on hold for administrative processing. Interestingly, this process
was like a blackbox. Nobody could find out what was happening about me until I
heard of the conclusion. The worst of it was that it had no time frame. I was
not required to provide anything more than the application I had already
provided. I did not question. So, while
my wife was almost in tears, I walked out happy because GOD had already
provided. When we went on our journey, we risked our entire assets in GOD’s
hands. If both our visas were denied for any reason, we would lose everything
we had. GOD had answered our prayers. He had provided for my wife to return
back and take care of things. But, I did not understand what HIS plan for me
was. What did HE want me to do? I was bitter, but, for the first time in my
life, I did not lose my cool. I decided to wait and watch.
August 26, 2017: Our flight was scheduled for August 28,
2017. And I had not heard about my visa approval even with the help of our
local senator and friends. So, we took the hard decision. My wife and 6 year
old daughter would keep their tickets. We decided that my 3 year old son would
stay with me and come with me when my visa would get approved. Of course, there
was a big question of, if at all get approved. But, I thought it would be easy.
It would not be
August 27, 2017: It was just another day before my family would be split into half. We always did things together. I could not hold back my tears. But, I had to. I had made up my mind that I would give it one year to live without my family. Somehow, that was the way I was trying to console myself in my mind. I wanted a countdown so that I could get to the date that we could get back together if the situation was the worst. The one good thing I did. I never questioned Jesus. I kept asking HIM, ‘What is your plan for us?”
August 28, 2017: The day had come. The car was ready for all
of us to get to the airport. It was to be a 2 hour journey. I wished that it
would take forever. But, as we travelled
through the busy city of Bangalore, it was getting very very close for my
comfort. And my dear Noah had not known what was happening. He thought he was
travelling back home that he loved. His school was starting in a weeks time. He
was excited. So, we came to the airport and we decided to buy time by stopping
for a snack. But, that too got over and now it was getting late. My heart was
swelling up in tears. And there was a crowd around me. None of us wanted to
call time. I had to. And I did by asking my wife and daughter to go inside for
security. And then all hell broke loose. Noah just could not split from them. He
wanted to go in and go home. And we kept crying and hugging each other. Until
again it was upto me to call time and give the orders. And as my family was
split up, where we could see them, but could not touch, I had another role to
do. I had to make Noah laugh. So, I did as I knew how he would crack up. I was
thankful that my parents were with us. I wonder how it would have been for the
two of us to get back. So, we took the bus. Noah thought we were travelling to
Trumbull, CT on the bus. He had amazingly calmed down. That calmed me too. But,
I had questions to Jesus. “Please tell me, what is your plan for me? For us?” “What
next?”
My wife
and daughter reached Connecticut. And then in the next few days, they found
amazing neighbours, who helped them in every way possible. God had answered one
question of mine. “Would my family be cared in my absence?” Atleast my
neighbours did. That was a consolation. But, something else happened. On Aug
29, 2017, it was 11.30AM. And suddenly, I decided, I would go for the afternoon
mass with Noah. I told him that the only way we could get tickets to CT was if
Jesus would make it happen. He agreed. And what a beautiful mass, what a
beautiful sermon. It was about GOD’s love even when we forget HIM. And Noah was
so loud with his prayers and singing that the priest mentioned him in his
sermon as to how everybody should pray like him, loudly. He even got a candy
from an aunty he did not know. It seemed people who did not know us had started
to pray for us. I felt good. I felt confident. I could see so many people
praying for us. I had not felt like this before. I became positive. So, Noah
and me started to go to mass everyday. Everyday a beautiful reading and a
meaningful sermon. This privilege is not there in the masses I attend in the US
most times. I wonder why?
I
started seeing GOD’s plan. First, I realized that the reason Noah was with me
was not because he needed me. But, I needed him. His innocence, his love for me
was totally honest. His questions were brutal to listen to. He would point to
an auto or a bus and ask me why we were not taking them to get to CT. And I had
to answer him so that he was satisfied and be happy for the day. But, I was
afraid of another question of his. He started asking me why Jesus was taking
time to get him his tickets. And I told him that Jesus had already listened to
him. But, the man who was not giving tickets was taking his time. He needed to
listen to Jesus. And then I started a little prayer to Jesus. I realized that
this situation was going to be a huge one for Noah and Claire’s faith in Jesus.
Ever since they were born, we constantly talked to them about Jesus answering
their prayers. So, this was a test. Would Jesus answer their prayers? I was
sure he would. What I was not sure, the people who needed to be transformed in
order for this to happen. The world has taken such a turn for worse.
September 1, 2017: The long labor day weekend was here. We
went for the 12 noon mass that day too. At 11 30, I just checked for an update
on my visa. Nothing had changed. So, after coming home from another beautiful
mass at St. Anthony’s friary, I checked the status at around 3 PM. Something
had changed at 12 noon. My status had been updated. I was excited. So, I woke
up my wife in CT. It was late night, but I would not wait. She was excited too.
But, then my 6 year old Claire came to me and spoke something that struck me
straight in my heart. She had woken up from deep sleep and when she heard that
my visa status page had been updated (it was not yet approved), she went and
got her bible and read out to me something about Abraham and his faith in GOD
and how he did not hesitate when GOD asked him for Isaac’s sacrifice. I was
amazed. It was about 1AM in CT and here was my girl telling me about the bible.
But, what she said to me told me something else. We have all read about Abraham’s
faith and what he did that day. But, what was Isaac doing or saying? That is
not written in the text. I reflected. My little Noah was Isaac. Noah could have
been in CT with mom and sis. But, he sacrificed for me. But, each moment after,
he was so diligent and faithful to everything I told him to believe. This was
an amazing moment for me. I had always heard about Bible being a living book.
Now, I saw why? I now waited for the next working day, Sep 5, 2017. I hoped
that a decision on my visa would be done and our ordeal would be over. But,
when I googled as to what the status change meant, I found information that it
may mean nothing. Some people had waited in such a situation for months and
months with multiple status changes. That would be torture. All of this made me
realize how slaves are treated. I was going through it, even though my family
and I had done everything according to the law. But, then it also started to
dawn on me as to why our family was going through all of this.
The Sunday before we left for India,
I heard in the sermon a real story. My priest confessed that he was distraught
that he was unable to help an illegal immigrant because he could not take the
courageous step of going by the bible, which may be contrary to the diocese and
the government. It was amazing that he professed his guilt. It was an honest
admission and the reality of our lives and the church and the government too.
On August 8, 2017, when my ordeal began and when our senator was unable to help
other than to contact the consulate for information, I got a message from our
church. I do not remember if it was the bulletin or a email that was passed
around by the Men’s ministry group that I was part of. It was a victorious
message about how a movement initiated by some in our church was able to halt
an illegal immigrant from being deported from the US and split up from her
family. I had on that day felt hope about my own pastors and the church helping
my family and me. So, I enquired. I got prayers. When my wife returned and went
back to church that Sunday without Noah and myself, I hoped that many would
walk up and do something. After all, everything we had done was by the law. It
did not happen. A couple of wonderful friends did sympathize. And when she
revealed this to me, I started to look at GOD’s plan in different light.
Why did my family go through this
ordeal? The answer was that Jesus was asking us to bring to the notice of our
community the plight of millions of people who are being persecuted and who
have no voice. And we accepted the cross he wanted us to carry. We could have
felt safe by not doing anything and stay back without going home. We would have
been spared our ordeal. But, the community and the church we live in would not
have known what Jesus wanted them to stand for. I was so glad Jesus had chosen
us and this sad, heart wrenching ordeal had taken a whole new meaning. I was
filled with fire of Jesus and the Holy Spirit. There was nothing to be fearful.
There was a lot of pride.
September 5, 2017: Noah and me went to mass at 12 noon. And again at 3PM, I checked the status. Lo, behold. It was all done. My visa had been approved. Noah was on top of the world. His prayers had been answered. And his whole perspective changed. The beauty about this episode was that many many people whom we had not known had seen how this little child would loudly pray for his needs in the church. I earnestly hoped that it would inspire somebody else.
September 15, 2017: We landed at the JFK airport. Everything
was smooth. And we were all so ecstatic. We were also tired. But, a lot of
backlogs had to be met. But, we were so glad that we were now together in Noah’s
favourite Trumbull home.
As life got back to normal, we looked forward to our next main event. It was a 2 day retreat organized by our prayer group members in New Jersey. I had felt in India that we may be missing out on this. But, GOD had made a way. So, we accepted to be part of the music ministry. I was comfortable doing it as I was in the choir in the churches for a long time. This time it would be special to sing praises o GOD. We had seen his amazing work in our lives. But, then something else was in my mind. Ever since I started to go to everyday mass in India during my ordeal and realized GOD’s plan, I started getting visions about speaking about our ordeal to others. I even tried to find avenues in Indian prayer groups, but people ignored my suggestions. They simply did not want to hear my story. These were my own people, who were so devoted to GOD’s work. They had no time for my story. But, then the opportunity came. The organizer of this retreat was seeking people to give their testimonies for the retreat. I did not hesitate. But, as the day of the retreat came near, I did not prepare my testimony because of all the many things I was involved in every day. So, a couple of days before the retreat, I found some time and I wrote through the testimony. But, when I read it through, it was extremely hard hitting and bitter. I realized I was bitter, unforgiving and revengeful. There were many people who I thought were responsible for my family going through this ordeal. Some were part of my prayer group too. Infact, very very close friends built a wall because of the politics of faith for the past 1 year.
September 30, 2017: I had worked until late the previous
night to finish up my work before going to the retreat. So, as we drove to New
Jersey from Connecticut, I was totally blank. And although I was supposed to
give my testimony the next day, I was not sure I had any time for prepare. I
knew that I had written a very bitter testimony and I knew Jesus did not want
me to speak that. As we entered the retreat hall, I looked around and found 2 gentlemen,
John and Tony, who were new to me that were going to co-ordinate the music for
the retreat. They were getting ready and we joined in. As the retreat started,
atleast until lunch, I was very happy that I was singing. But, for some reason,
I was not fully into the retreat. It was also because I was very tired. So, at
lunch time, I went out to the beautiful St. Joseph’s Shrine park with my book
that I had written my testimony. There were lots of beautiful places to pray
and meditate. I went to Mother Mary’s statue and I read my testimony after
praying. But, I was unable to tone down the bitterness in my testimony. Then,
in the afternoon session of the retreat, it was all about repentance and
forgiveness. It was then that something touched my heart. And as we prayed and
sang, I felt peace coming into me. I started feeling the experience of the retreat
that I had hoped for. So, when we got to the tea break, I again went out to the
park. This time, I went to the cross. I knelt and prayed just one thing. I told
Jesus to help me with my testimony. I told HIM that it was bitter. I asked HIM
to heal me so that I could touch others with my testimony. I told HIM that I
wanted HIM to speak through me.
And then, we finished with the sessions. It was pack up time. My wife started preparing the youth of our group to do the Praise and Worship the next day. It was to happen at the same session where I was to present my testimony. And then we went to the retreat house with a lot of people to have our dinner and sleep. I knew time was precious. So, I did not speak much. I just ate my dinner and ran back to my room to be alone so that I could work on my testimony. And I just took a pen and started to write. What I wrote was about the very same incidences, but, the words were so different. My bitter tone had changed to the one of love, caring and leading. There was no doubt about the magic of Jesus. The reason was I had given it up to HIM. And then I started to see the signs.
October 1, 2017: The first session started with an amazing
Praise and Worship session by the youth. These were the very youth I felt would
not rise up to the situation. There was some magic working in that retreat
hall. And it was for me to feel and realize it. The best part was that the
theme of that session fell perfectly into my testimony. The question was
whether I could deliver it the way Jesus wanted it. So, when I stepped up, to
my surprise, I had found a new voice, a new fire. I never looked at what I had
written. And when I had finished I was so peaceful. And then when people
started walking up to me and speaking to me about the testimony, about their
own lives where they had faced situations parallel to what I had spoken, I knew
Jesus had spoken through me. But, the best was yet to happen.
The
retreat was beautiful. I was so touched and with fire. I had no hesitation
whatsoever. I had been healed. And as we
wound up late in the evening, I was sad that it had ended. I wanted more. So,
as we were packing up and saying goodbye, somebody walked upto me to speak. It
was John. He had played the keyboards for 2 days. And I had seen him stand up
more than anyone at the retreat. He had seemed a shy and mild spoken person. He
was a beautiful keyboard player. But, we had not spoken for 2 days apart from
the music. And because they did not belong to our prayer group, there was no
way we would have kept in touch if he had not walked up that moment. And he
quietly revealed that he was touched by my testimony. I felt good about hearing
it from him. I was on fire and I told him a lot of things in just a couple of
minutes about how I had seen Jesus worked in my life. While I don’t want to
reveal one of the things he told me that he was looking to hear from Jesus, I
realized he was emotional. But, I didn’t know him. And as our conversation went
on, he suddenly told me “ I lost my wife
last year”. And that moment, while I was still speaking to him and
hoping to find consoling words, in my mind I realized how tiny my ordeal was.
What I had gone through was nothing compared to probably what John had gone through.
I was very sad that I would not have time to spend with him and know him and
console him. I immediately told my wife. And after we said goodbye, as we were
driving, John kept coming to our minds. What was Jesus trying to tell?
So, the next day, my wife sent me a link that I would like
all of you to read.
And my whole perspective changed.
Jesus was pointing me to a very special person of his in John. He was pointing
me towards a mission. He was pointing me to somebody who had taken a moment of
extreme pain and converted it into a lifelong mission of love, service and
music. And the beauty of John’s story and his wife Merlyn, who passed away on
October 17, 2016 should be in his own beautiful words. So, here is a link that
he sent to some of us.
But, the beauty of Jesus’ message
which is reflected in John’s message about Merlyn is amazing. When I stepped on
the podium on the day of the retreat to speak my testimony, my theme was very
simple. I wanted everyone to know through my testimony that Jesus lives. Not
just on Easter Sunday, but each and every other day. But, the beauty of John’s
message is that Merlyn lives too, not just for John, but for all of us. The
reason being that Jesus gave each one of us the beautiful gift of resurrection.
And that is what I realize that we fail to understand each and every day. That
HE is alive in each one of us. And so is each one of those people who have gone
away from us. We are very accustomed to accepting Jesus being crucified and
while we accept resurrection, it is a mystery and a ritual that is best kept
for Easter Sunday. I hope through this testimony of mine and John’s, we could
start to bring the living Jesus into our lives and to others. Because the world
needs it most right now.
Amen
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Saturday, October 21, 2017
Jesus lives
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