A special one for Dad

     Today is a very special day. It’s a milestone day for my dad. Today, the 24^th September, is his 75^th birthday. I am very sure, knowing his nature that he will be wishing hard that tomorrow comes fast so that he does not have to be center of attention. I am sure that for every person in this world, their dads are the best ones ever. And its true for me too for many many reasons. And today is the special day to celebrate what he has been to me, my family and everybody he is connected to. And I won’t be surprised if many never knew or acknowledged his little acts of selfless giving. The reason being, he would never have claimed his worth at any point of time and would have just moved on to the next thing.

     In the summer of 2015, I came a full circle to connecting with his act of selfless compassion and dedication even though I was almost 10,000 miles away. My little daughter Claire was 3 yrs old and little Noah was not yet one and wasn’t even standing on his own, let alone walk. I took upon myself to take Claire to a summer camp far away from home where she would learn ballet. Since the camp was for 2 hrs a day, I had to stay back with Noah somewhere around the place and get Claire as soon as she was done and then go ahead with the rest of the day with some other activity. Since I was going to a new town that I was unfamiliar, I was nervous and I was unsure how I would also deal with a 9 month old baby on my own. So, on the first day, I reached on time to Claire’s camp, quickly got her signed in and then as I walked out, I had this lingering question of what I would do with a 9 month old on a hot summer day for the next 2 hrs. I started to drive back on the same way I came on, totally blanked out. And, as I drove towards the town center, I saw a park. I decided to try it out and so after parking my car, took Noah in his stroller. It was a beautiful place. It had a corner flower park and a play area and a large expanse with a number of beautiful big trees. But, there was something missing. There was me and Noah and nobody else. And I was in a town I didn’t know much. So, after spending time at different corners of the park with Noah in his stroller, I decided that since there was at least another hour, I would experiment with Noah a little bit. So, I got him off his stroller and made him stand up supporting the stroller and I waited to see what he would do next. Noah looked around. He had been pushed around a lot that day just like any other day, feeling helpless. He barely could stand on his feet. But, he held on to his carriage tightly and moved in the direction he wavered. One step became two and then four and then many. Baby Noah could not stop. He was doing something himself with a lot of freedom. And, yes, he was strong enough to move his cart. He had so much joy and a sense of achievement. It was his milestone that day and he has never stopped ever since. And I was very proud of him. But, there was nobody around me to sense my joy and sense of achievement.
     I had such a tense start to my day. I had not known what to do. In my heart of hearts, I had hoped everything would end fine and the day would end without incident. And then I decided to get a little bolder. Before they were done, I rushed with Noah, stealthily to Claire’s camp wanting to see how my little 3 yr old was doing. I hadn’t realized that she was also having her first day of the camp and may have been nervous. It was a new place to her and new people around. She may also have felt like I did, tense about the unknown. I wanted to ensure that Noah and I would not make her miss her sense of joy and pride of achievement. And in the midst of moms and their little kids, I rushed to look through the mirror as the camp was in its last minutes. And there I saw amongst the many beautiful butterflies, one little precious one fluttering away her wings. I could see a big grinning smile and a shriek here and there. But, then I saw another thing. Every other time she went around, her eyes gazed to the big mirror looking out if her papa was there. And I was, not only myself, but with another bundle All excited and joyful, little Noah. And seeing us brought so much energy out of her that it was a sight to behold. And I have never missed another opportunity ever since to be there for both Noah and Claire . For, now I had my pride of being a dad.

     And as we did this day after day that week, I thought of my dad. I was once a little kid and so was my sister. And my parents worked day and night for they had a dream. A dream that was us both and they would not stop. Somebody had to be there to pick us up after school and my mom could not as she still was at school teaching. So, the onus was on my dad. And he had a very hectic day at work. He would have gotten up at 1AM, when all of us were deep asleep, to get to his work. And he would have gotten back at about 1PM when we were still a couple of hours away from being done. He would be tired and sleepy. And he couldn’t have gotten home. There was a little cemetery where people were laid to rest. And my dad would wait for us day after day for at least a couple of years, sleeping on one of the tomb stones, catching up on his sleep. And then be there at the school gate for both of us. He never regretted doing this, nor did he hesitate. And now I had understood why. Because greater than everything else, he was proud of being a dad. And although nobody has ever saluted him for such acts that he so selflessly did, I remember. Because for his act of being a dad and doing it in the cemetery, I had the honor of being in a beautiful park, full of trees and beautiful flowers. And even though it had been years ago and even though we had been 10,000 miles apart, there had been a connection. A connection of hearts. And for all of this, dad, if you are feeling alone at any point of time, you should know, that Claire and Noah are very very proud of their grandpa. And so am I. Happy special birthday, Da. May GOD bless you many many more glorious ones.

All prepared to receive

I was on my way to New Jersey for my first healing mass at our friend’s place. I was more skeptical than excited. What were my wounds that I wanted Jesus to heal? What does HE want of me? And our bustling summer activities gave no time to think. As the journey was long, I and my wife got down to discuss regarding the youth ministry that we were about to help moderate in a couple of hours. It was transfiguration Saturday, but we were discussing the Sunday gospel with the kids and youth that related to Jesus talking to his disciples about their preparation for HIS second coming. What was Jesus trying to tell his disciples and through him, each one of us? What was the meaning of transfiguration from Jesus’ point of view? Was it that Jesus was getting so frustrated with the disciples as to what they thought of him, that he had no option to have this amazing event where he was in conversation with Moses and Elijah, confirming to his disciples that they were with GOD himself? No, it didn’t seem that way, at least not the frustrated tone I felt within me, although there was every opportunity to be frustrated indeed. What could one expect of the fishermen, right? I looked at it positively. Jesus was trying hard to make the disciples feel very special and honored that GOD has chosen to spend HIS lifetime with them. He had chosen them for HIS mission. And through them, HE had chosen each of us. I hoped this message would come through when we spent the time with the youth.

And right after the transfiguration, HE tells them what HE expects of them when HE comes back again. And they don’t get it. Just like each one of us, Peter actually thinks that HIS instruction and message is for somebody else. Somebody else had to become responsible. Somebody else had to mend their ways. And Jesus keeps telling them about how much expectations HE has that they will do according to HIS instruction. Otherwise, they will be punished, severely. And to think about what actually happened. HE lays down HIS life for us. 

 I was now getting skeptical about how the youth would interpret this gospel. I needed to be hopeful. Will they be like Peter, thinking all that’s written in the Bible is for others? Well, I hadn’t had a great time discussing this gospel with others before. Previously, I have been at groups of adults and when this gospel has been thrown up for discussion, I had come back home depressed. Because nobody accepted that any of this is do-able in this world, given how the world has turned out to be. They felt judged and they didn’t like it. And therefore, this gospel is not to be taken literally and seriously. 

So, when we got into the youth group discussion, which was very well lead by two wonderful youth, my fears came through right away. When asked if they were prepared to receive Jesus when he comes again, all of them said that they were unprepared. Trying to alert them, I reminded them that Jesus tells them that they will be punished severely because of their unpreparedness. But, they didn’t change their answer. They were being honest. As I was thinking that we had hit a wall, we proceeded to discussing the obstacles the youth faced that makes them unprepared to welcome Jesus. And I am so glad they were so brutally honest. And in their honesty, I found hope. Their answers ranged from their gadgets that prevent them from seeking Jesus to Parents who force things upon them and not give them a chance to explore at their own playful, joyful way, to the church itself that prevents them by being ultra conservative and boring. They had tried finding Jesus by helping out at the Sunday school and other missions, but they still felt they could do a lot lot more.  It was amazing that the very factors that should aid them in finding Jesus had become their obstacles? And before finishing they resolved to pay more attention to the gospel and the homilies at the church, say more rosaries and prayers and seek more opportunities through which they can get closer to Jesus. And I have prayed an entire week that they have literally managed to do all these things and more and that their promises haven’t remained as intelligent words at a meeting. In their honesty, I found hope that they would start recognizing just as I did for myself that it was time for getting my relationship with Jesus stronger. That was the start we needed. 

But a big question arose from all of this. Here I was faced with what Jesus exactly wants of me as he illustrates through the various parables, signs and discourse throughout the bible. Yet, here we were faced with a reality of being unable to put HIS mission into action because of umpteen number of reasons. In most cases, the paths that should have lead us to Jesus were actually taking us away from HIM. And by analyses, as we aged we had resigned to the fact that it was impossible to do what Christ was telling us to do and ended up doing things which we knew were probably contrary to what Jesus wanted us to do. How could we change this course? How could we do things that are pleasing to Jesus, in-spite of being mocked at by our very own society? This bothered me through the week and I did not know how to get an answer. But, faith is beautiful. “Ask and you shall receive” I kept asking the question and I received answers from unlikely sources. 

One, my little 5 yr old daughter. She has been an amazing link for me with Jesus. Two nights after the prayer meeting, I was waiting on her to finish dinner. It was dark outside in our new home and she had her back to the large window with expansive darkness outside. And suddenly she moved away. I asked her what was wrong and she told me she just felt afraid. As I was telling her that I was around and she was safe and that I appreciated the fact that she was aware of her surroundings, she immediately calmed down, not because of what I told her, but because she instantly prayed to Jesus and told me HE will now take care of HIM. I was stunned. All of this happened in just a minute and the turn of emotions was so dramatic for me as an onlooker that I was deeply taken aback. What faith? How come I am not so strong in-spite of knowing HIS abundant love for me?  I decided to probe further. The next day, out of nowhere I asked her if she was prepared for Jesus’ second coming. She instantly said “yes”. I asked her if she has done everything that Jesus has asked of her and she said there were some things that she hadn’t. So, I reminded her of the gospel and told her that Jesus has said that HE would punish those who did not follow what HE asked of one to do. So, given that, does she still believe that she could welcome Jesus the second time. Instantly, she said “yes”. What if he points out to things she hasn’t done pleasing to HIM. She had an answer to that too. She simply said that she would ask him to pardon her and that she would correct those things immediately. A five year old had a very simple answer. I am sure all of us had that answer too. But, we had not preserved it and lost it as we grew up. We had lost that friendship with Jesus, that ability to be humble, to request a second chance, to correct ourselves. And we had forgotten that Jesus had himself shown time and again that HE was a pardoning GOD. All HE wanted of us was to ask him. No wonder HE had said that children are precious for he knows who is innocent and wise. 

This instance reminded me  of the gospel when Jesus visited Mary and Martha. When Martha went and tried to please HIM y trying to cook and clean, all Mary did was to sit at HIS feet and listen to HIM. The consequence was, as HE himself pointed out to Martha, that what Jesus wanted was not a wonderful meal or a spotless house, etc, but a keen ear and a humble heart. And that’s what I pray we would understand and turn back a page or pages where we were, probably long long ago, when we were truly at the feet of Jesus. That’s when we were all prepared to receive Jesus, no matter what, no matter when.

My New Year wishes story

Be the light you want to see.

Be the hope you wish to be.

Be the inspiration you seek out loud.

Make sure that Jesus and you are proud.

     The New Year is a day away. And this is my wish for all of you and your families and friends. But, I have to tell the most beautiful advent story of me and my family before the New Year dawns. And when you have read it all, you would have known why.

     When advent began, I wasn’t sure how our family would spend this Christmas. We knew for sure a couple of things. We knew that we would not have any of the extended family with us as we were far away from them. And we also knew that since there was a lot on my wife Priya’s plate at work, she would not be there in entirety with us. Priya and I however vowed that we would make this Christmas the most meaningful one for the kids. How? We left it to GOD and kept our hearts and mind open. This was going to be a special Christmas for our littlest one, Noah. Last time, he was just 4 months old and now a charming 16 month old, walking, running and chattering around.

 

     We began with a plan for our nativity scene. It would be a big one this time and would be behind a gated enclosure, thanks to Noah’s exhuberance. And our start was a small table and 4 cardboard boxes. And it remained that way for the next 15 days. For in between bad things started happening around us that dampened our spirits. First the massacre in Paris followed by the San Bernardino incident that resulted in killing of innocent people, filling communities with fear and hatred had found its way into our day today lives. And all the discussion we were involved in was all about hatred, revenge and killing the bad guys. It was not only all over the news, but also in day today discussions around us. Welcoming baby Jesus was nowhere in anybody’s mind. At least that’s what it seemed. The innocence of Noah and Claire captured my attention. Something special had to happen to change the mood. And it was left to Claire and Noah to provide that for us. The event was Polar express event at Claire’s school, a Christmas event in which we helped organize. That evening when we landed at the event, just to see Claire and Noah ring in the Christmas spirit was a sight to behold. And then the very next week when the two advent miracles happened (read my previous blog: Two advent miracles), I could see that my family and myself were back in Christmas mood. And as block by block our nativity scene took shape, and as Claire took initiative to write personal greeting cards to each and every teacher and classmate and as Noah kept laughing away making pretend cookies and artwork, I was amazed at how beautiful Christmas could be only if all in a family had the will to make it happen. I still had a question though. Will Santa be a part of our Christmas? 

     And then a very unfortunate event happened as we were moving into the last 10 days of Christmas. Out of nowhere, grief had come to visit the community at St. Jerome, our church in Norwalk. A very significant contributor to numerous activities at St. Jerome passed away suddenly and it affected a number of them deeply as they knew her very closely. I did not know her except that her name was the same as my little daughter, Claire. As I gathered from many people who knew this wonderful person, it so much reflected of the vibrancy that I saw in my little Claire. And as we prayed for the departed soul and peace to her family, I came to know that the funeral mass was set 3 days before Christmas, the same day as our wedding anniversary. And the choir group that I was part of was singing for this mass. The question in front of me was what I would choose. Would I go and join the other members of my choir and sing? And if I did that, how would we commemorate our wedding anniversary? Well, here is what happened. We all went to the 9AM mass and rang in our anniversary. And then I stayed on to join the choir for the funeral mass. And when I finally left church that day at about 11: 20 AM, I had peace within that I had chosen to do what the dear Lord would have liked me to do. Again the healing I experienced at church that morning allowed me to once again focus back on our Christmas. 

     That night we were almost all set with our nativity crib and as we started working on our Christmas trees, I started to think of Santa again. I had never believed in Santa ever. Why? Because I had always seen that Jesus and nativity were nowhere around Santa that I saw. To me, Christmas was about baby Jesus and his family, the angels, the shepherds, the cattle and the 3 kings, not Santa. But, now I had decided to know about the real Santa, St. Nicholas. Yes, he came from a very rich family. But, the grace and blessings of Jesus made him give everything to others in need. And he became a saint because he gave his life to the love of Jesus renouncing everything else. Knowing this, I decided that Santa did have a place in our nativity too. And so did the Noah’s ark animals. And so our crib had now turned out to be the best we had dished out ever. It lacked only one thing, the poinsettias. We had 4 tiny ones at the window and it was far from perfect. 

     And then an awesome incident happened. I had committed to helping out to decorate the church on Dec 23^rd. So, in spite of me having to do a number of things on Dec 23^rd, including actually getting groceries home to cook the next day, I reached the church expecting Sr. Agnes, who was to lead this. And I expected a couple more gentlemen from my men’s ministry whom I knew. I had not known Sr. Agnes personally and it was interesting she had asked Fr. David for 3 men to help her. Anyways, I was excited because it was the first time I had ever helped decorate the church for Christmas. Although I arrived 15 minutes early than I was expected, I quickly realized that Sr. Agnes and a crew of 3 were already at work with the poinsettias.  Two of the men were Joe and the third was a girl called Julia, who was daughter of one of the Joe’s. In just a few minutes, I realized what was special about Sr. Agnes. She was on a walker as she was at least in her late 80’s and was very precise. Everything had to be in a certain place, at a certain angle. And she pretty much was the boss of the show. And just as I was settling in, another person came in to help and announced that his name was Joe. Now, we had 3 Joe’s out of 4 men and the joke went around that I had to change my name to Joe. And throughout the next hour or so, as we all set out to do things as directed by Sr. Agnes, I saw a number of people just drop in and help, without invitation. It seemed they just knew that there was lot of help needed at the church and they just dropped by the church to see what they could do. This was such an amazing lesson to me because in my busy little world, where I sincerely hoped that I would do my bit for Jesus, here I was finding out how its actually done. And I kept feeling Jesus on the cross literally wanting me to learn a thing or two that I had never done and feel good all the time. And two awesome things happened next. Sr. Agnes chose me to place baby Jesus in the manger. And as soon as she called out to me to do just that, I felt a great sensation within me. Here I was for almost an entire month wanting to do something extraordinarily special at Christmas and through various ways, here was a moment that I was actually placing baby Jesus in our church crib. And to round it off, when we came to the end of our job and were about to leave, Fr. David asked each one of us to take one each of the extra poinsettias. And I happened to get the biggest one, which incidentally would fit perfectly at the back of our crib overlooking the manger. How much more awesome could this Christmas be? 

     Well, there was more to come. Christmas eve mass was awesome beyond my imagination. I was in the choir that sang beautifully throughout the mass. And Claire was part of the nativity pageant throughout the mass and was quite an angel. Not to miss out on mommy and Noah, they were all over the church, mommy running behind Noah and once, Noah making it to the altar as the angels sat down beside the Holy family and the shepherds. Well, he had identified that one of those angels was his own sweet sister, Claire, and he wanted to give her a hug, right then and there. Apart from this, I had noticed something at the beginning of the mass that I had not expected. Sr. Agnes was sitting in the front row. She had told us the previous day that she would not be at this mass but would be at the previous one. I was surprised. When we had finished everything and walked back to the car after all the wishing, mom and Claire went back to give back the angel costume as Noah and I settled into the car waiting for them. And in a few minutes, mommy was running to the car asking me to hurry to the other side of the church as she had found Sr. Agnes without a ride. What a wonderful gift. We happily dropped off Sr. Agnes at her residence that night. The story goes that Sr. Agnes had actually sat through our mass as she had no ride to take her back from the previous mass. And she had enjoyed our mass too. And Fr. David was to ride her back home in spite of his tight schedule as he had been unable to find somebody to help her that night. Until, of course that my dearest wife intervened. All these events added to the beauty of our Christmas and each one of our family was soaking in the enormous blessings that we were experiencing, one after another.

     We went a step further. We went to mass the next day, the Christmas day as we wanted to thank Jesus abundantly. And when we came back, the first thing we did was to pack our family lunch and walk all the way to the park in front of our condominium where we were greeted by a homeless man we had found, Kevin. We had decided that no matter what we would ensure that on Christmas day, we would share our Christmas with Kevin and we did. And to see him smiling at us and feeling grateful and telling us over and over again that he would make sure that he would have every bit of our meal made me proud of my family as we walked back. And then we had 3 days of family and friends visiting us and filling our lives with enormous love and laughter, not to mention the gifts that they brought in spite of being told not to.

     What I have learnt this Christmas is no matter what the situation, ensure the ideals for which Jesus came into this world: Peace, Joy, Equality, Humility, Forgiveness, Brotherhood. And if I and my family were not putting in a real effort to go against the tide of sadness, hatred, fear and indifference, then our Christmas would have been confined to a routine Christmas day beyond which we would have felt a void in our hearts and loneliness . And we would not have known why? And as I wish to continue into the New Year with the same spirits, I wish the same to all of you too and your families. Make the New Year a beautiful one, filled with peace, joy, brotherhood, equality, humility and forgiveness that you give to one and all around you. Be the light you want to see. Be the hope you wish to be.  Be the inspiration you seek out loud. Make sure that Jesus and you are proud.

Two advent miracles

           I have always believed in miracles. Have I shared as many with others? Probably no as I have never been confident that others would understand how I see something as a miracle. And I hate being mocked. Not any more. The reason is we live in a world where I see more and more people hate each other. Even to the point of persecuting the very fragile amongst us. And the rest live in fear that they will have to deal with it at their door soon. And hence in this kind of our situation, we have no time to look at little beautiful things that happen to us and celebrate them and share them with others. And life becomes meaningless and insecure each day. Being aware of a miracle that may happen every other week, if not every other day is very important. And that is why I want to share this with as many as I can. Because there are two very important facets of our lives that money can’t ever buy. Everlasting peace and love.

          I became aware of two miracles just this past week. On Dec 1^st, I was getting my daughter Claire home from school and our conversation went to her Christmas pageant practice. It was just a couple of weeks away  and I was eager to know how it was progressing. She announced that the characters for Mother Mary and St. Joseph had been finalized. I was eager to know if she was going to be Mother Mary, but it wasn’t the case. I knew that Claire wanted to be Mother Mary and so I told her that every other character of the nativity scene, be it the animals, the angels or the shepherds were all important. Then I told her that she still will have other opportunities to be Mother Mary and she should keep her interest open and go for it when the opportunity knocks. I knew in my heart that it may actually not be the case, but I felt it important to console her. And silently prayed to Mother Mary and Jesus to provide for it. That Saturday, we were going for the monthly prayer meeting of the OITS group. Although the group meets every month and is very vibrant, we could only make it to December as we could not travel far with the kids and our own schedules. As we were driving, our conversation came to the kids pageant that was generally part of the meeting in December and I told Claire to take an active part. I didn’t want to raise expectations, but I knew she was too shy to play Mother Mary and I thought she would not play it herself even if it was offered to her. Anyways, I had no role in deciding those aspects. But, again, in my heart I said a prayer to Mother Mary and Jesus asking them to give her the strength to play that role if it came to her. We were there at the meeting and Claire was an active participant singing away and  saying her prayers. And I was deep in prayer too with little Noah in tow. And then the time came for kids to go inside and prepare their short skit as the elders reflected on the gospel. Claire passed by me happily and I glanced at her and wished her well. And continued with my reflections. A few minutes passed by and somebody told that the kids were ready and coming in for the skit. As I completed the reflection, I just gazed towards the door where the kids would be coming in. And at this point, I had forgotten all about Claire playing Mother Mary or angel or shepherd. There were plenty of children there and I would have been fine with anybody playing those roles. They would all be doing it so well. And then something caught my eye that left me dumbfounded. I saw that beautiful little shy girl smiling away and she had this beautiful while veil and a blue flowing dress. Yes, she was playing Mother Mary and she marched right by me and for the next few minutes, even though shy, played the role to her best in front of so many people, many of whom she didn’t know. And as I kept applauding her and others, I had to acknowledge what had happened. A beautiful advent miracle.  Here was my shy little girl who had always wanted to be Princess Elsa from Frozen for the past 2 yrs who had  for once wanted to be Mother Mary. Here were mom and dad who had silently prayed for it, hoping against hope. And it had happened more beautiful than we would ever have expected. And our shy little girl who would generally freeze when she was in front of unknown people had essayed her role so beautifully.

               Well, if one miracle a season is a beautiful thing and I was basking in it, tuesday came and it was a day of Immaculate conception of Mary, a day of obligation. Claire was at home and there were a lot of things to do. Claire had a dentist appointment and we had grocery shopping to do and then Claire had to go swimming. So, going to mass became a challenge and kept being pushed to late evening. And everything started to go wrong. First, we decided that Claire and I would go to Church as mom worked from home taking care of Noah. But, mom got an emergency call and could not get her work computer going. So, she had to go to office and we had to cancel going to mass. And I always freak out when things change abruptly. As I hurried to drop mom to work, I was totally stressed and told mom that we would not think about church until evening. After dropping her, as we were coming home and I was still stressed and trying to salvage our plans for the day. Suddenly, I realized I was about to be in an accident. A truck almost hit me coming in from nowhere. I swerved and saved ourselves. And decided to get calm as I was driving with 2 kids. We came home and had our breakfast, talked home in India and then went to pick up mommy to go to the dental appointment for Claire. Again an accident almost happened as a truck shifted lane without any indication and again I had to be alert. Now, I was waiting for the third one. As we reached the doctor, I was happy everything was in one piece. But, then another crazy thing happened. Our appointment was not for that day. We had got everything wrong. I was party to the confusion too because I had not checked the time and date too. So, given that everything was going wrong, I sat down in the car waiting and decided to look at masstimes.org. And then I found a mass we could all go to at noon. As we drove, I reflected on what had just happened. After the mass, all my stress had gone. And I shared the miracle that had just happened with my family. Since morning we had tried two things. We were either going to church not as one family but splitting up. And our other plan was to go after all our errands were run. But, GOD had a plan for us. He kept alerting us through those little signs to go as a family to mass first.

Sitting back at home, I realized how beautiful it felt to realize that we were part of two miracles. And here I am waiting for more to happen as I am aware of GOD’s presence every moment leading us. And I am hoping after reading this each one of you would also look forward to GOD’s leading in your life and most importantly share it. Everlasting peace and love to all.